Delayed Responsibility
by MaRiA.Z.A
Summary: What if Neal knew a girl other than Kate? What if before showing up in New York, he had a somewhat normal life? What if he had responsibilities that he chose to leave behind? What if after the plane incident, he had to face the ghosts of his past, and take some life-changing decisions? Takes place after season 1. Gets better as the story goes on.
1. chapter 1

Delayed Responsibility

Chapter 1:

Neal decided he had heard enough. He couldn't take more and his eyes were welling up with tears that threatened to fall as he saw everything he once believed in shattering. Ellen's words were more than what he could take, and the truth was crushing him. He hates his mum, Ellen and most of all his dad. The man he thought was a hero, the man he wanted to become like, the person he looked up to. He was a murderer, a traitor, a corrupt cop. It was all a big lie.

Danny found himself in his room weeping ,no his name was Neal not Danny. Danny is the boy who believed all those lies. He himself was a big lie. His real name was Neal, Neal Bennett ,no, he won't be named after his father who was a murderer. He decided to be called after his mother. Neal Caffery, the name was charming and that was good as Neal decided to make Danny Brooks a thing of the past. He won't be a part of the WitSec anymore. He can't hide any more. If his father wanted to kill him let it be as nothing mattered now.

No, one thing mattered. He remembered those ocean blue eyes staring at him, the dark beautiful hair and the dazzling smile. He couldn't leave Grace ,she was his everything . He couldn't stand the idea of her crying for losing him. He couldn't imagine himself without her. He can't just leave her and go no matter how tempted he was. But he just couldn't live with those people who lied to him about everything. He couldn't stand all those thoughts so he decided to do the one thing he thought was a solution. He went to Grace.

It was Neal's eighteenth birthday and he was going to spend the morning with Grace. It was already 12 and they were supposed to meet at the park by 10. Neal was certain that Grace would still be waiting for him , mentally making up a dozen of excuses for being so late. He knew how much she loved him ,and truth was he loved her even more.

He saw her silhouette from his car and after parking, ran towards her. Her bright smile and the kiss she gave him on his year streaked cheeks made him dread what he was about to tell her even more. He couldn't leave without her, but he couldn't live there for one extra moment. The delighted "Happy Birthday My Man" brought him back to reality. He knew she noticed he was crying but didn't talk. However, his cracked false smile was more than she could take.

"Hey", she said affectionately but he couldn't miss the angry broken look that made his stomach churn.

"How dare you fake your smile Dan. What are you hiding from me?"

"Let's talk in a more private place Grace." He said hesitation obvious in his voice.

"Shall we?" He said pointing at the car.

With a nod Grace followed him and entered the car, concern filling her eyes. "What's wrong with Dan?", She thought. She loved Danny with all her heart since the moment she saw him. They have been friends many years ago that they don't really remember how it started. Danny was more than a person she loves, he was also her childhood best friend.

"G, I'm sorry to ask you this, but can I trust you?"

She knew something was off and she was determined to help Dan, so she said, "Of course Dan , what's wrong?"

He hesitated. He was about to turn her life upside down. He was about to ask her to either escape with him or let him go away promising she'll never wait for his impossible return. He might break her heart and he couldn't stand that. He couldn't stand breaking his Grace.

Words were stuck in his throat, but she gave him that look that he couldn't resist, so he said," G, what I'm going to say now is a huge secret. Promise me it'll always stay a secret."

"Well Danny, I promise, but please tell me what's bothering you so much?"

"Well then, brace yourself. Ummm, my name is not Daniel G ... it's Neal!"

She looked at him and her eyes did the talking. "Stop kidding Daniel Brooks, you almost got me a heart attack",they screamed.

"Hey," he tried to sound more serious "it's the truth G. Have you heard anything about WitSec before?"

"Of course I did." She frowned, "But what does this have to do with your suddenly changed name."

"My real name is Neal Bennett, but since I was 3, I've been placed in WitSec under the name Daniel Brooks. I was told my dad died a hero, but it showed up we are hiding from him. He was a corrupt cop ... a murderer."

Neal's eyes were wet and sparkling with tears that started spilling from them like a running stream. He wanted to be strong for Grace, but she was his weak point. Around her, Neal was vulnerable. He couldn't control himself, and he hated that.

Grace was trying to soothe him. He could feel her hands wiping his tears while she mouthed some consoling words. He let himself cry in her warm passionate embrace.

The words seemed to struck Grace. She's never felt sorrier for Danny. No Neal , he said his name is Neal. It must have been terribly hard for him to learn such awful truth. She let her emotions lead her and embraced him as he wept like a little baby, his hot tears covering her clothes.


	2. Chapter 2

When Neal Became a Father

Chapter 2

This day was carved in Neal's memory. He could recall everything that happened next. After he was done crying, Neal locked his eyes with Grace's and decided to tell her the news he knew she'd dread.

"I'm gonna run Grace. I have to escape this lie-based life. He felt warmth in his eyes but he held the tears that were forming back and kept on "I'm leaving and I won't ask you to come with me, but I am not asking you to stay either. You have to choose your path by tonight G, and if you don't turn up in front of my window at eleven, I'll know you are staying, and believe me, it's for the best."

Grace's eyes were sparkling and they gave away her uncertainty, and being the reason for that, pained Neal the most.

"Danny, umm, I mean Neal your judgement is clouded by your anger. Just take some time to think about it." She sounded broken and he could tell why.

"I'm done thinking G. It's your turn to think. I'm sorry I ruined your day, but I knew I can't decide to run away without giving you the choice of joining me"

"Hey, you didn't ruin my day. You did what you had to do and shared your distriss - that's what friends are for .I will see what I can do and I will tell you. I love you ,Dan or Neal or whoever. I love you no matter what." And with a kiss on his forehead, she left.

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That night he found her by his window with two gigantic bags. He climbed out of the window and landed next to her with his bag.

" Are you sure about this G?"

"Of course I am. I won't allow you to do something crazy without me Neal. Plus, it's not like I have the best life here Neal. Let's stop talking and start working please. So, do you have a plan?"

They changed his car plate with a forged one Neal bought and fled away.

It was very dark, and they didn't know what their next step was, but they only knew one thing, that they are together, and that's all what mattered then.

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Neal didn't understand why he was remembering this. He expected to remember his time with Kate, but instead he remembered that day that turned his life upside down.

Maybe it was because he was trying to run again, although this time it failed. Again it was his fault. He needed Grace then more than ever, but he knew it was impossible.

However, now that he is back in his rusty cell, Neal can think about everything clearly. He would never let grief cloud his judgement anymore. He'd be strong for Grace's sake, for she's always asked him to be. Anyways, he is going to stay there for good unless Peter can work his magic, and he was thankful that thoughts about Grace were what haunted his memory instead of the scene he experienced in the morning. The loss of his lovely Kate.

He tried to hold the tears back and sleep, but his miserable state got the best of him and he caught himself crying.

Neal felt he betrayed Kate. Thinking about Grace made him pained and relieved at the same time. He wasn't sure he could take it anymore. Grace, Kate all the memories were painful in a manner and he was tired. He remembered how Grace helped him when he was down back then. He wished she was there.

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After leaving , Neal felt terrible. He regretted ruining Grace's life and didn't know what his next move should be. He looked beside him and saw her. Her brown hair was covering half of her angelic face. She looked so beautiful while sleeping . He couldn't believe that she left her life to run with him. He knew how terrible her life was there, though. He knew he had to talk to her about everything, but he couldn't do it then.

Feeling her stirring beside him, Neal looked at Grace. She was awake, and it was obvious that she wasn't relaxed.

"Hey G, slept well?" He asked

"Hey Dan,uh... Neal, yeah I guess. Where are we now?" She asked

Neal knew what she meant. She wanted to know where they were heading, and well, little did he know.

"We're on our way to a residential area that is far enough from St. Louis, we'll look for a motel or something to stay, and there we'll plan our new life." He said smiling

"And how will we get the money to stay in a motel?" She said, uncertainty filling her voice.

"Don't worry about that. I took all my savings, and they're enough to keep us going until we finish planning." At least they had some money for survival.

"Fine then let's keep going. Our new life is awaiting." She said trying to sound sheerful.

Later, they found out how naive they were. That day turned their lives upside down. It was the day when their lives changed.

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Neal snapped out of the flashback. He was worn out from the day's events and knew he should sleep if he wanted to survive the next day. He fell asleep, and his biggest wish came true, at least, in his dream.


	3. Chapter 3

Delayed Responsibility

Chapter 3

In his dream, Neal was with Kate and Grace in a restaurant having a fancy night. Grace was laughing so hard and so was Kate as he kept joking around. Neal was floating in the air with no worries to wiegh him down. He was with his best friend and his girlfriend at the same place laughing and spending quality time. However, a drunk man entered wailing: "You're gonna pay Caffrey", and bullets start penetrating the bodies of his loved ones.

He woke up with a sharp gasp that brought a guard to his cell.

"Something wrong Caffrey?"

"Oh no, just a yawn, a rather loud one." He has just grabbed the guard's attention, wonderful. It wasn't that he had problems with the guards or anything, actually ,he respects them, but he shouldn't show anyone his weakness. Weaklings don't survive in prison especially if they were snitches.

He gazed at the rusty metal bars and remembered the first day after running.

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They stopped in a small town in Kentucky. They found a motel whose manager wouldn't question their identity if they paid him what he wants. The moment they entered the smelly room, Neal literally hugged a bed, and his soft breathing was soon heard.

When Neal woke up, he was determined to get them settled, so he went fishing for a job or something. He made sure Grace was okay, and to keep her safe from the people in the motel, he locked the door and warned the manager that if anything happened to his girl, things might turn nasty. Well, this was a lie not only because Grace wasn't "his girl" yet (she was religious, so for her, she won't be "his girl" until it's something official, so she was his best friend then) but also because he wasn't really violent.

Neal wasn't really intending to find a job. He was actually looking for fake IDs. He didn't know wehere to go or what to do, so he kept wandering around the town searching the dark alleys for help. He kept asking the beggars he saw in the street if they knew someone who can help him start over in case they know someone who can provide him with what he wanted, and luckily one did.

"Well boy, you look desperate, so I'll help you. You can find the man you're looking for in a pub. It's in the alley that connects buildings 7&8 on the next street. You should go there, ask for wine and sit on table 3. A man will sit beside you. Just answer whatever question he tells you first with "And how does that matter to you sir?". Then, ask him if he can give you what a man needs for a start over."

"Oh, uhmm, thank you I guess." After thanking the man, Neal ran away. He knew that what happened was too creepy to take seriously, but it was his only chance, so he decided to go for it.

After entering the pub, Neal ordered wine and sat where the man said he should, and just as the man said, a man approached him.

"New here?", asked a man as he sat beside Neal.

"Well, yeah.", he answered staring to his wine.

"Looks like you're young, and you don't look comfortable, I shall note. Let me ask you: Did you run from home?"

Neal stared at the man. He was old probably in his early 50s. The clothes he wore were too expensive for this place. Neal sensed danger and it was hard for him to ignore the ''RUN'' his mind was screaming.

"And how does that matter to you sir?" Neal snapped.

"Oh, I just want to help",his smile was wicked, " I mean if you need something you can't buy from a 'typical' market, I can help you."

"You mean stuff a man needs to start over ?" Neal was really hoping he wouldn't get himself into trouble, but he was desperate and was ready to do anything to get the IDs.

"I think you understand me. Anyways, I have some business to take care of. Excuse me." After that, the man got up, tossed Neal a card and left. The card said : " Tonight, 11 am, at the same place, ask for the Golden Hand if you need help." Neal took the card, paid for his wine and dashed to tell Grace.

"Hey G" he said as he entered the room.

"Hey Neal, found a job?" She sounded hopeful.

"No, but I found something more important." He handed her the card and continued, " I met a man in a pub , before lashing out at me, I was only there to rest, and to find the man to be honest as I heard that I might find help there. So, this man said he can help me. He sounded mysterious, but I think he's just being cautious. Anyways I'm going tonight. However, I need a photo of you."

"You can't be serious Neal." She said furiously. "You can't trust a 'mystery man' you met in a pub."

"Hey G, I understand you're worried, but we can't live without IDs, and I can't go back. It's too dangerous for me, so we either stay here together and try to survive, or we uhmm or we split." Those last words hurt him so much as the last thing he wanted was being abandoned by Grace.

"Don't be a fool Neal. I won't leave you unless you want me to. Back to the point, so you think this is our best option?"

"Yeah, sadly I do. I know it's dangerous, but we don't have any other options. Plus, I have a plan."

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Neal was brought back to the reality by the guard shouting "Wake up". He knew that the day ahead of him was going to be really hard. He knew that everyone here will see him as a snitch which means he is in grave danger, and the fact that this might mean higher security didn't appeal to him either.

He knew it is hard to survive and that this time won't be as easy as the first time. He just hoped to hold to his sanity until he gets out if he ever did. With a fake smile on his face, Neal was as ready as he could be to start the day.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: sorry for the delay but I was trying to write a long chapter ,and this is the longest I've ever written ; that's why it took me some time._

 _Anyways, well as usual all mistakes are mine & of course, I don't own White Collar._

 _I hope you enjoy the chapter!_

 **Chapter 4**

Neal wasn't ready to face the world. The moment he saw other inmates his heart pumping furiously indicating his fear. Was he afraid of them because he was considered a snitch, or because he felt weak and vulnerable? His mind was racing. He was on the verge of collapsing again ,and he knew it wasn't an option because the weaklings have no place among those people.

The mess hall was as crowded as usual and it had many familiar faces; much to Neal's dismay, some of them were there because of him. Just great that doubled the risk of him getting killed on the first day even though guards were keeping a close eye on him with some of them literally surrounding him which was both very annoying yet a little calming.

A guard guided Neal to an empty table and stood beside him. It was Sam; he was one of the guards whom Neal managed to be on good terms with. The food was as terrible as he remembered,and the glaring inmates who kept threatening him from time to time didn't help his appetite. His day was going to be horrible, and he knew it.

He was assigned to the kitchen, and he had only two inmates with him who didn't seem like a threat, and of course, three guards were there (to keep him _**safe**_ of course). He missed every moment he spent working with the FBI , everything related to his new life that will soon turn into memories as he rots in this place unless Peter finds a way to get him out. Would Peter even want to, he wondered?

One of the two inmates seemed to be in his early twenties and the other was about sixty or something. After some time the younger whispered, "Can you help me, please?" He glanced towards Neal. Neal was startled; he was very engrossed in the terrible pan he was cleaning and almost dropped it when he heard the voice. The moment he looked towards the kid, the guards were already moving. Neal tried to stop them but the guards were so close that they grabbed the kid before Neal could think of something to do.

"You're coming with us boy" one of the guards shouted. "Please" everyone looked towards Neal, "What's going on?" "Back to work Caffrey, and mind your own business!" "Look, of it's about me, the boy was just asking me to help him out , simple as that, he didn't do anything, right boy?" "Yeah..yeah I just wanted him to help me hold this, nothing more." The boy said pointing towards the pot he was supposed to clean. "You could have asked Harvey."said a guard. "He was closer to me ; I didn't know I shouldn't talk to him" the boy was stammering. Neal could clearly see the fear in his eyes and was wondering what brought such a young boy to a place like that. "Fine, now you know, back to work, Now" the guard said moving back to his post. Then without a word, Neal moved towards the pan, signaling to the boy to go take his post, and started cleaning.

Neal thought his day couldn't get worse ,but he was wrong as flashbacks didn't leave him alone.

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At 10.30 Neal was already there asking for the Golden Hands. He was led to a room in the back of the pub full of crates. "Hi boy, I see you're early!" Golden Hand said. "Umm hi, yeah I'm a bit in a rush." Neal answered. "Well, so what was your business?"asked the man. "What business, sir? I was a student!" "Well boy, so what business do you want to get into?" "Umm, sir, I don't think we're on the same page; I don't have anything with me. I want to start my **_life_** over!"

The man scowled at Neal, then his expression turned to sympathy. "Look boy", he said, "you got it all wrong. I trade in rare stuff and people who lost their money and want a clean start in their business buy goods from me. I can't give you what you're looking for." he paused "But I can give you a temporary job. You're a well-mannered kid, and I appreciate that. You can work here in the kitchen, wash the dishes and glasses maybe clean it ,and I'll give you a thirty per week. What do you think?" "Well, sir, I don't think this is an offer that can be turned down. When do I start?" "Tomorrow at 12 in the afternoon" "I'll be here at 11,sir" "We'll see kid"

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"Caffrey!"a guard yelled pulling Neal back to reality. "I said move!" "UHH, of course" Neal said as he was led by the guard.

Of course, Neal wasn't permitted to spent his 'yard-time' outside his cell. He felt more caged than ever ,and if he protested he knew they'd tell him it's for his safety. Out of frustration, Neal called for a guard. "What do you want Caffrey?" "I want to speak to the warden..., please?" "Because..." "I'm tired of those _**safety**_ procedures ,and I need to understand how things should go" Neal was lucky enough that the guard who came to him was Brandon who's always felt sorry for Neal. "I'll see what I can do Caffrey." "Oh thank you then." He said before returning to his bed and his flashbacks.

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The following day, Neal made sure he went to work early. Of course, the boss, whose name was Mr Smith, was satisfied by that which made it easier for Neal to ask him if Grace can work there too. "So you say your sister wants work too huh?" "Yes, sir" he didn't know what to call her other than his sister. "She can work with me in the kitchen and we're not asking to be paid as each others ;you can pay her less if you want. Please we're desperate for money." "Fine she can mop the floors and clean the place for twenty a week. We have a deal?" "Of course sir, starting tomorrow, I'll bring her with me. Thank you so much, sir." "Well, now back to work!"

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Neal and Grace actually enjoyed working their. They respected everyone there and we're hard workers, so all the people working there respected them. The money they received wasn't much, but they were able to live with what they had ,though they needed IDs badly to be able to gain some real money. Luckily, Freddie ,the man working with them in the kitchen, knew someone who could help them get IDs ,but he'd ask for a lot of money, and they didn't have this luxury.

"Neal!" Grace said one day after they were back in their motel room, "We have to try. Why don't we go to the man Freddie told us about and try to make a deal?" "I don't think it will work G. Those guys are pretty dangerous." "Let's give it a try Neal; I'm tired of hiding." "Fine, I'll go see him tomorrow and see what I can do." He said with a sigh. " Well then, good night ,Neal!" "Good night ,G!"

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"Caffrey, you're admitted to the warden's office." "Oh, thank you officer Brandon" "Move it ,Caffrey!" Brandon said as he guided Neal to the warden's office.

The warden wasn't really fond of Neal. Of course, he was utterly embarrassed when Neal escaped the first time, and he made it clear to Neal when Peter arrested him again that he didn't forgive him. He didn't even tell Neal anything the previous day just that for his safety he should follow the guards' instructions.

"Well Caffrey, I would like to know why you requested that you see me!" "Sir, I just wanted to understand the safety procedures that are taken to protect me as I feel that I won't be able to live like that for so long." "You aren't here to enjoy your life Caffrey! So just shut up and live with it, or I can drop all those procedures if you like, but you'll have to sign a statement admitting that this is what you want." "Sir, I'm just asking that no one gets into trouble because the don't know that they can't talk to me. It's like I'm in solitary but with guards all around me." "So, you'd prefer solitary, Caffrey?"

Neal didn't expect that answer ,but he knew that his safety was probably requested by someone from the bureau, Reese Hughes probably. That's why he didn't want to push the matter further, bit the idea of solitary appealed to him somehow. It was crazy and all, but it was better than hearing the constant threats and causing trouble to any inmates who tried to talk to him. Neal made his mind, and solitary was the answer.

"Yes sir, I would!" Neal could tell from the man's facial expression that he was awestruck. Well, it wasn't normal for anyone to ask for solitary, but Neal was pretty sure it'd be better than what he's enduring. "Fine Caffrey, you're sentenced three days into solitary confinement, and we'll see then what's better, some safety procedures or solitary. Now take him!" He signalled to the guard, and at that moment, Neal was certain he'd regret his decision.

 _A/N: I hope you liked it. Please ,tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is always welcomed._

 _Have a magical day ;)_


	5. Chapter 5

**_So, I'm back, and I know I'm late, but exams were about to end me, then I had a writer's block,so..._**

 ** _Anyways, the story is back, and I'm really motivated to continue writing it thanks to the beta-reader_** **KatnissEverWeasley** ** _who revised the chapter, edited it and helped with the ideas._**

I really hope you like this chapter; I'm already working on the next one, so I hope it won't take much to be finished.

 ** _Please review the chapter (feedback motivates me)_**

 ** _Chapter 5:_**

Solitary... for someone like Neal, it was a nightmare - pure torture ; that's why he was always doing his best to avoid it, and he actually had never been sent there except for two times, and he never wished to do it again, but there was no coming back now. Neal took a glance at freedom (of what little he had) one last time before the large door closed with a loud thud leaving Neal to the crushing memories. Staring at the wall, his mind drifted off to the past.

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"Morning Freddie!", said Neal as he entered the kitchen. "Mornin' man" answered Freddie.

"Hey Fred, can I ask you for a favor" Neal asked hesitantly. " 'Course Dan, how can I help you?" Neal's name this time around was Dan and grace was G. It was better this way; no one knew their real identities. They thought 'Dan' and 'G' were cousins who got in some serious trouble and have nowhere to go, and honestly, the truth wasn't so far from that.

"Ummmm..." Neal hesitated, "This man you told me about, the one who can help G & I, does he trust you? I mean, can you please ask him if I can work for him or something to cover the expenses?"

"I don't know Dan." Freddie said after a long pause, "Do you really want to leave us? I thought you were a member of our family, and as family, I have to warn you. Do you really want to get involved with such a man? I can sort it out with him, but are you sure that this is what you want?"

"I know it's dangerous Fred, but I gotta do it. It's my only option, so can you please help me?" To say that Neal was desperate is an understatement. Neal was way beyond desperate; he was ready to do anything, literally anything, that would grant him and Grace a somewhat normal life.

"Well Dan, I'll do what I can, but don't say I didn't warn you!" If only Neal had known how sincere this warning was, and how his life was going to turn out because of this choice, he would've backed out.

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The darkness was choking. Neal's mind got the best of him, and drug him into a stream of memories. Memories of his time with Grace, of his time in St. Louis, of his time with Kate, with Mozzie and even his time with the FBI. However, the memories of Grace were the most agonizing. Was it because he still loved her, or because he missed those day? He never knew, but he was sure about one thing, that he needed to stop these flashbacks before they break him.

Neal tried to avert his thoughts. He tried his best to think about silly things, sing or even try some dance moves to pass the time, but the flashbacks always found a way to his mind ,no matter how hard he tried to keep them away. Maybe solitary confinement was not his best option, but there was no going back now.

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Neal didn't want to remember that day though the memories were vivid. He could clearly remember that man with the expensive clothing and piercing eyes staring at him. The sight of the unexpectedly beautifully-painted walls of the safehouse hit him so hard. He could remember the cold sweat running down the back of his neck while trying to keep his composure while being thoroughly searched.

This was the part he hated most. "Let's see what you've got boy. What do you have to show me?" The expensive man said with slight distaste.

"I-I can..." Neal hesitated. Should he tell them about his remarkable ability to copy paintings and forge signatures (Hey, he didn't want to get in trouble with his mom, and sometimes, Ellen wasn't there to help.)

"I can forge signatures, and I'm an amatuer when it comes to 'copying' paintings, but I can improve, sir"

Of course, those weren't Neal's only abilities, but he thought that his extraordinary abilities when it comes to sculpting wouldn't impress those people, so he kept quiet about it.

"Yeah, I see, look kid, I'll give you a painting and you have eight hours to 'copy' it for me, if you convince me, we can cut a deal."

To say that those two hours were the most stressful in Neal's life would be an understatement. However, the moment the man stepped in, eyed Neal's copy and smiled, all Neal's worries disappeared.

"Oh my God! Kid, I have to tell you, although you have yet a lot to learn, your skills are surprising. I'd like to have you work with me, kid. Welcome to the team."

These words were music to Neal's ears. Maybe he'll finally get those IDs and move on. Maybe, just maybe, him and Grace can finally settle down.

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As days passed, Neal became a skilled forger . He helped Richard ( the 'expensive' man) and his crew in a number of operations, and after about a month, he became part of the team. He was still working at the bar with G, but he reduced the number of shifts a little to be able to work with Richard, and although this meant they had to manage living with less money, Neal knew that it was worth it.

And finally, the day came...

"Hey, kid, come over here!" Richard said

"Here I am ,sir" Neal said as he moved towards Richard. Despite knowing that Richard is totally fine being called directly by his name, Neal preferred calling him 'sir'.

"Look, boy, it's been three months since you started working here, and during this time, you grew to become a part of the team. You've helped us in many operations, yet you haven't been rewarded, so Dan, by two days, I want the photos needed for those IDs you asked for, so that we can start working on them." Richard said as he handed Neal a camera.

Neal was speechless. He was so relieved and didn't really know how to react to this information. He was finally getting what he'd been working for for months. Finally, he could go back to Grace and tell her that they can finally have IDs. That they don't have to fear seeing an officer as much. They can finally use his car (they repainted it so that it isn't recognised). They can finally leave this place whenever they want. They can finally be free to choose what the want to do.

"Th-thank you, thank you, sir!" Neal stammered.

"You don't need to thank me boy, just bring me the photos tomorrow. They have to be taken in a white background. Don't forget that!"

"Of course, sir."

"Good then, back to work. We need to have all the papers signed before tomorrow for the operation to go smoothly." Richard said before he left, and Neal went back to forging the signatures needed for the papers of the following day's operation.

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"Hey G, I got you a surprise!" Neal said as he entered the room.

"What, some fake money?" G asked with anger lacing her voice. She hated the way they were living; she was okay with working at the bar, but Neal's criminal work didn't appeal to her. After all, her religious beliefs didn't support Neal's life choices, and he understood that. She was worried he would get caught one day ,and she tried talking him out of it several times, but it never worked.

"Hey G" he sounded broken, so G spun around to look at him not knowing what was going on as Neal snapped a quick photo of her.

"And what exactly is that?"G asked her curiosity getting the best of her.

"This is how we will take the photographs for our IDs"Neal said a smile spreading on his face as he saw G's face light up, with a smile forming on it.

"Do you mean, do you really mean that we're finally getting our IDs ,Neal?"She asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Grace, we are. Let's now find something with a white background"Neal said playfully. Maybe things were starting to work out for them.

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The memories were crushing and agonizing, and the fact that the only human contact he had since he's been to solitary was the guard bringing him dinner through the door. _When the guard yelled lights out and darkness absorbed his cell, he didn't know whether to be relieved or nervous about what the physical darkness could bring him. However, he was totally unprepared for what the darkness brought upon him._


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: if it weren't for the amazing Beta-reader KatnissEverWeasley, this chapter would have been horrible._ _If you read this fic, please tell me what you think._

Happy _holidays! Hope you enjoy the chapter!_

Disclaimer _: Of course, I don't own White Collar!_

 ** _Chapter_** ** _6:_**

 _When the guard yelled lights out and darkness absorbed his cell, he didn't know whether to be relieved or nervous about what the physical darkness could bring him. However, he was totally unprepared for what the darkness brought upon him._

All the trauma and sorrow from yesterday got unleashed the moment darkness set in, and Neal found himself reliving the entire accident; it was happening all over again, and he was helpless. He cried like a little baby as he screamed Kate's name over and over again hoping she would walk out of the fire safely this time. He felt cold sweat running down his neck and his body trembling mercilessly. He could hear someone shouting his name but he couldn't care less, he was losing Kate. Kate was dead; she was reduced to ashes right in front of his eyes.

"Caffrey! Caffrey! You with me?"He heard someone saying, but it wasn't Peter. Who was it, then? "Caffrey, answer me!"He heard someone growl, "What's going on?"Then, he felt someone shaking him. Neal tried to look at this person, but his eyes were misty with tears. He was trying to slow his breathing, but he was hyperventilating and unable to concentrate. Suddenly, he remembered. Kate has died the day before, and he was back in prison till they decided what to do with him, yet the realisation didn't help him feel any better, neither did the fact that it had to be a guard who was calling him.

Neal tried to talk again, but he couldn't get the words out due to his breathing. He tried to take a better look at the person who was by now shouting only to confirm it was a guard. He tried to communicate with the man but his body failed him. He was trembling, all his muscles were aching and he had terrible headache. He wanted to scream, but the only thing he could do was to allow the hot tears welling in his eyes to fall. He felt pathetic, but he was too messed up to care. He could feel the guard trying to drag him, but his body refused to move, yet his mind was racing furiously trying to figure out what was going on.

"Caffrey, can you at least help me get you to the ward for God's sake?"The guard said (or at least that's what Neal heard him say). Neal tried to help, but he failed. His body was unresponsive. Maybe, he was dying, and honestly, the idea wasn't that scary anymore.

The guard sighed in frustration as he sat on Neal's cot, threw Neal's arm around his back throwing Neal's weight on himself then rose. Surprisingly, Neal was able to drag himself forward. "Stay awake Caffrey; you are not dying on me!"The guard kept saying as they were heading to the infirmary, and to be honest, it kept Neal going. However, the moment he arrived at the ward, the darkness took over Neal ,and he fell unconscious.

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The light was blinding. Neal snapped his eyes open only to find a light beam going directly into his right eyes, so he did the only only thing that came to his mind. "Woah, get this light out of my eyes !", he shouted.

"Well, apparently you're fine, and wide awake!"Someone said grabbing Neal's attention. He looked towards the source of the voice only to find it was the doctor holding a flashlight; it was the same doctor who checked him when he was transferred to prison. On that day, he ,expectantly, was on the verge of breaking, but he managed to keep himself together. However, he could see sympathy in the doctors eyes, and it hurt Neals pride. He was Neal Caffrey, a world-class conman, a feelingless playboy whose emotions were never on the surface. He didn't want anyone to feel sorry for him; it made him feel weak, vulnerable and pathetic.

"Yeah, apparently, I'm awake, not sure about fine though."he said with the best Caffrey-smile he could manage as he started to sit up. It gave him some terrible headache, but otherwise he was fine.

"Care to elaborate why there's an IV tube in arm?"He asked "and why you're attempting to blind me with this flashlight?"

"You almost gave me a heart attack Caffrey! Do you know how much paperwork I'd have to do if you died on me? And it doesn't help that you're in solitary. It just means more paperwork and more trouble with the higher ups."Said an angry guard as he approached Neal's bed. It was James; Neal has managed to get on the guy's good side within a few weeks of entering prison the first time. But Neal couldn't get his mind around one thing, what was James talking about.

"Well, looks like I saved you from all this paperwork. You can thank me later."he tried to sound sarcastic and clueless, yet he started to remember fragments of what happened and was trying to prevent his face from reddening. He remembered crying, hyperventilating and Kate. She was there; he didn't remember why her name came to his mind, but he was certain it had something to do with her being there.

"You have some nerve to get snarky, Caffrey?!"James said almost growling.

Neal didn't get the chance to answer as the doctor spoke up "Well, Mr. James thank you for escorting Caffrey here." Wait, it was James who bought him here! " You can leave now, and we'll keep you updated." and with that James left huffing and murmuring under his breath, leaving Neal puzzled about what happened, why James was still there and why on earth would he want to be updated on Neal's status.

"Caffrey,"the doctor said directing his attention towards Neal, "I'm Dr. Barnes. Apparently, we didn't have a decent chance for introductions. Anyways, you passed out a few minutes ago after hyperventilating for a while. Apparently, you were going into shock. Given what you've been going through the past few days, I'd say your going through psychological trauma, yet it'd really help if you could tell me what happened."

"Well, Dr Barnes, I don't really know what happened. I wouldn't even know how long I've been out if you haven't told me!"Neal said trying to hide his embarrassment and sorrow. He was strong, or so he thought; he had been through a lot throughout his life, yet he never suffered from any physical consequences.

"This is totally normal in your condition, Caffrey. And, anyways, this issue isn't mine to explain. If you'll wait till morning, Dr. Claire, the therapist assigned to assist you, will be here to discuss everything with you. As for now, I'll ask you one question: have you used any drugs or consumed any alcohol since the accident?"Dr. Barnes said, his voice softening at the last sentence.

Was it really that bad that the suspected drugs? "Of course not, it isn't like I'd get drugs or alcohol after less than 48 hours in here, so no, Dr Barnes, I haven't"Neal answered. Did they really expect that he'd be able to get anything in with all the guards around him? Did they expect anyone to even talk to him without threatening to squeeze the life out of him after he's worked for the FBI? He felt devastated by the way they thought.

"Well, I had to ask anyways. You're going to spend the night here Mr Caffrey, and if in the morning you're totally fine, you'll be dismissed. And as I mentioned, you'll be assigned to a psychological therapist who will continue your treatment. Have a good sleep Caffrey, you'll need it."The doctor said as he left. Neal didn't even get the time to respond or protest. He didn't need a therapist; he was fine on his own, and tomorrow he'd make sure that it's clear. Right now, his only concern was sleep.

He dreaded sleep. He wasn't okay with flashbacks ,of course, yet he thought they were way better than nightmares. Nightmares brought his fears to life, and his fears were way too nasty and way too agonizing not to emotionally scar him. He was trying to keep himself together in order to survive, so he wanted to avoid those nightmares, but all the day's events and all the sorrow came crashing down on him weighing him down, urging him to give up, to just sleep and never think about waking up. He was drained both physically and emotionally; he was even mentally drained, and it was hard to deal with all of that anymore, so he gave up to sleep, and as dreaded, nightmares didn't leave him alone.

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It was dark and cold. An uneasy feeling filled the dry air around him as he walked into the alley. The ground was covered in red. Blood was flowing, and upon reaching the source, all that Neal could see was red. He gasped as he knelt down next to the limp body into the bloody mess. Her wide blue eyes were fixed on him seeing through his soul.

"You're the reason Neal. You killed me. You're the murderer Neal. My blood is all over your hands. You're just like your father Neal Bennett. You're as a bad of a monster as him."

Those words were like daggers stabbing the life out of him. He held her hands tightly not understanding what happened. Tears escaped his eyes finding their place on his cheeks.

"Blame me later Grace, just...just don't die on me don't leave me Grace. No, no, no, no don't give up Grace. Don't give up, please."His voice broke as he sat there sobbing, clinging to the now-lifeless body as if it was his lifeline.

"Get your hands off her, Caffrey. Stay on your knees, and put your hands where I can see them. I won't hesitate to shoot if you by any means try to resist." The harsh cold voice of Peter broke the silence. Peter was there to arrest him, but why? He didn't kill Grace, or did he? He wasn't sure anymore, yet he still couldn't understand how Peter and Grace could be in the same place.

He complied just to see Diana, Jones and Peter pointing their guns towards him. Jones approached him wearing a disgusted look on his face.

"Neal Bennett, you're under arrest for the murder of Grace McCaffrey. Neal Caffrey, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning." Jones said as he cuffed him. Why did he call him Bennett; how did he know? Why was everything so strange and crushing? What did he do to deserve all this?

Instead of leading him to the car, Jones took him deeper into the alley. The place grew darker and colder as they went on. Then suddenly, they stopped. Neal looked around only to be met by a disgusted Kate. Behind her, to Neal's surprise were Mozzie, June and Elizabeth wearing the same expression on their faces. They were then accompanied by Peter, Diana and agent Reece.

"On your knees"Jones whispered in disgust.

"What do you mean? What's going on? Why are you all here and what's happening?" was frustrated, tired and immensely miserable. He was in no mood to play around.

The question was answered by Jones kicking him forcing him to kneel and then joining the squad. "We're here" Kate said hatefully "to carry out your execution Neal Bennett. Your sins and crimes aren't forgivable. You're poisonous to all the people around you, and it's about time that we took an action. Neal Bennett, it's time for you to pay."And with that she stabbed him as he only managed to scream out "No Kate, please."

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Neal felt like a fish out of water. He was screaming, gasping for breath and sweating from every inch of his body. He was sore, and felt that he couldn't move. His eyes jerked open and he tried to take in his surroundings. He suddenly remembered where he was, and he knew he was doomed.

A moment later as he calmed down, a nurse came in running concern drawn all over her face.

"Oh, hey! Sorry for the noise. I was...uhm... I didn't have the best dream of my life, you know!"He said giving her an apologetic charming smile.

She relaxed her posture a little, smiled sympathetically at him and measured his blood pressure.

"That"she said, her eyes widening "is really high. I'll be back in a moment."Then, she left the room.

It wasn't long after that she entered the room with a shot in her hand. She unloaded the components of the syringe into the IV and said "That will keep your blood pressure down."Then with one last sympathetic look, she left.

Neal was left alone to deal with his thoughts and emotions. He decided against sleeping as flashbacks were way less terrifying than nightmares. However, he knew what memories his nightmares would trigger, and he wasn't ready for them. Guilt was eating him. He felt unworthy, guilty, and was disgusted from his actions. He was poisonous; he ruined the lives of all those around him. He ruined Grace's life the moment he allowed her to run with him. He put Mozzie in danger several times. He was the reason Kate died. He almost cost Peter his job several times. He was a terrible person who deserved pain.

All those thoughts were cut short when the flashback hit him.

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It was the day Neil McCaffrey and Grace Charles received their IDs when everything changed. Neal went back to his and G's room with the well-earned IDs.

"Hey G, I'm back!"

"Hey Neal! Good to know."She said sarcastically.

He flashed the new IDs in her face and said "I bet it is."

Her eyes lit up with happiness as she snatched the IDs from his hands jumping up and down allowing herself to act like a teenager for once. The sight made Neal's heart dance with joy. He finally made G happy and that was enough for him.

"Oh God! Is this real Neal? We aren't in a dream, are we?"G asked after a moment.

"Oh no! I forgot to tell you that we're dreaming when I entered!" He said with a light-hearted chuckle, "Of course it's real ,G!"He said although he felt the same as her.

"Haha, has anyone told you that you're a party pooper, Neal?"she laughed.

"Yes, the person standing right in front of me."He said as he ducked to avoid a flying pillow.

"Okay, but on a serious note Neal,"Grace said seriousness taking over "does it mean you're finally leaving those guys you work with?"She said, hopefully.

"Umm... about that, look G, I can't. Before you try to kill me, please hear me out. We need some decent money to get you into college. I can't just get that with my wage from a normal job, can I ? Plus, aren't you bored from living in this filthy place? I need this job, G. I talked to Richard, and he offered me a good catch from every operation. It's going to be alright; I promise!"

"No Neal, this isn't fine. We can't live off stealing and forging. This can't be how we live; it goes against all my beliefs Neal, and you of all people should know that. If you're doing this to get me to college, then college is not important. I'd rather skip college than go to college while you become a criminal. Please Neal, we can find decent jobs. It'll just take some time, but we can Neal; we can!"

Neal didn't know what to say. He didn't want to lie to her, and tell her he'd think about it, yet he didn't want to tell her that Richard told him that he was not allowed to leave. That they'd be in danger if they tried to. But he had to tell her the truth; she had to know that he himself doesn't want to live like that. That he's being forced to.

"Look G, I understand, and I don't even want to live like that, but Richard made it clear that I'm not allowed to leave. He said that I'm a valuable asset, and that he can't let me go. He said that if I ever tried to leave, or if I decided to quit, he'll tip the police on us, so we have to roll with it, and use it for our own good G. My hands are tied and I don't know what to do."He said as he sat down next to her.

The next moment they hugged and started sobbing uncontrollably, they were just 18 soon-to-be 19 for God's sake, and they just couldn't take it anymore, the pressure was too much.

"I understand Neal; I really do. Plus, let's look at the bright side. We can go to college if we have enough money, and then we can find decent jobs and pay this guy, Richard, off or something."G said wiping her tears off.

"That's the spirit."Neal said copying her tear-wiping action.

It was the day, they took the first step into this path.

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The same nurse from before came in cutting off Neal's flashbacks.

"Guess you didn't sleep, huh? Anyways, here's your breakfast."She said offering him a tray of food.

"Thank you!"Neal said offering her a smile.

"It's my job. And yeah"she said as she moved to the exit, "Dr. Claire, your therapist, will be here in half an hour."

Neal's stomach protested against the terrible food, yet he ate all of it as he was really hungry. He sat there beating himself up mentally over every failure in his life, until a female ,whom he assumed was Dr Claire, approached him. She was dark-skinned, red head who seemed to be in her late twenties.

She eyed him for a moment, then said "Oh, hi Neal -I hope you don't mind being called by your first name. I'm Dr. Claire the prison psychiatrist, and I'll be assisting you with your issue."She silenced and looked at him expectedly.

Neal took this as a cue to start talking, so he decided to tell her everything he felt was relevant. "Hi Dr. Claire, I'm really grateful that you're offering me help, but I don't really need it. I'm totally fine, and once I understand what happened yesterday, I'd be more than willing to remove the IV tubes from my arm, and head back to my cell. I'm sure there are people in this institution who need this attention more than me."He said flashing her his trademark smile.

"Neal, I totally understand that you want to act as tough as you can manage, but what happened yesterday can happen again, and we want to prevent that, and I assure you that if it was nothing as you say, I wouldn't have been assigned to be your therapist. Neal, I totally understand your condition, and I assure you I've taken everything into consideration. As for what happened yesterday, it would really help me to know what you remember in order to be able to help you with it."She said smiling back not buying his excuse.

Neal wanted to protest. Of course, she didn't understand anything. She didn't know about Grace, about his relationship with Kate or even about his feelings towards his life as a CI. She didn't know about his shameful failure, about how he ruined the lives of all those whom he decided to love one day. He opened his mouth to protest, but he was interrupted by Dr. Claire.

"Look Neal, you can't simply refuse the therapy. Apparently, you don't understand how it works; it's like physical therapy. You can't simply walk out of the infirmary and refuse to get treated, can you? So please, show me some cooperation and make things easier for both of us."

Neal felt defeated. He couldn't simply defy the orders, especially after challenging the warden and getting on his nerves. His only option was to grin and bear it. Plus, he can be really annoying if he wants, so it might be a little fun to irritate Dr Claire; not that he wanted to annoy her, he just didn't want to reveal his secrets to anyone, no matter the reason.

 _Neal sighed in defeat, "Fine, let's just get done with it. When do we start?"_ _"Well, we can start now. You can't leave the ward before two hours pass anyways, so let's make use of our time. So, tell me ,Neal; what can you tell me about what happened yesterday?"_


	7. Chapter 7

_**For anyone who's reading this story, and specially those who're following it, first of all, thank you!**_

 _ **I'm really sorry for the absence, but a writer's block along with holidays, school work and some unfortunate stuff happening don't really help me with writing. I'm also sorry for the short chapter, but that's what I was able to write!**_

 _ **Now it's time to thank the person who's the reason why this story is good! Thank you KatnissEverWeasley for all your support and help! Without her beta-ing the story, the story would've been terrible.**_

 _ **Hope you enjoy the chapter, please review and let me know how you think; it'd be amazing to know your opinion!**_

 _ **Chapter 7:**_

 _Neal sighed in defeat, "Fine, let's just get done with it. When do we start?"_

 _"Well, we can start now. You can't leave the ward before two hours pass anyways, so let's make use of our time_ _, shall we?_ _So, tell me ,Neal;_ _can you describe what happened yesterday? What can you tell me about it?_ _"_

"I was told that I kept hyperventilating for a while then passed out. That's all I know, actually." Neal said. He decided against mentioning that he knew it had something to do with Kate unless he had to. He promised himself that he'd convince Dr Claire that he was cooperating while directing her away from his carefully veiled emotions and his well hidden secrets.

"Hmm" the look in her eyes implied that she knew that he was hiding something, "and what's the last thing you remember before you woke up in the infirmary?"

"Lights out! That's the last thing I can remember." Neal said frowning 'and some bits and pieces of something about Kate, me screaming, gasping and being dragged to the infirmary.' He thought to himself.

"Are you sure there isn't anything else that you can remember?" She said softly as her eyes were fixed on Neal's

"Positive!" Neal said holding her gaze. He was a world-class conman; his body language can never give him away.

Dr Claire seemed unsatisfied with the answer, yet she decided to leave it for now, so she asked him "Do you think it had something to do with the accident?"

"I thought you are the one with answers Doc!" He said sarcasm lacing his words.

"Oh! Well, I'd like to know your opinion, though! I might have the answers, Neal, but _your_ answers matter as well, don't they?" She said with a slight smirk.

Neal noticed that she was picking on his attitude, so she was either bored or smart, and either way, he knew he could have some fun getting on her nerves.

They were silent for a minute or so. The psychiatrist was waiting for his answer.

"Oh, my apologies, I thought this was rhetorical, was it not?" He smiled apologetically yet he didn't feel apologetic at all.

He could see the slight redness creeping into her face. He felt a little bad about getting on her nerves, little being the keyword. He wasn't as childish or mischievous as people thought of him; it was a mask, a mask to hide all those childhood and teenage years that he lost trying to fend for himself, trying to find out who he really was, so he didn't always enjoy getting on people's nerves, but he had to admit ,though, that it was fun to act childishly and mischievously from time to time, and this was one of those times he enjoyed it, and it was always fun to act as the smartest one in the room (even if he wasn't).

"Nevermind Caffrey" She rolled her eyes, "Back to my question, do you think that what happened yesterday was linked in any way to the accident?"

"Umm, not really, no!" He said innocently, "I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the hospitality of this place although they don't let me wear ties. The combination is lethal, Doc!" He flashed his puppy eyes and faked the look of a hurt dog.

From this moment on, their conversation got more interesting. The doctor kept trying to know more information, and Neal kept giving her 'clever' answers. She was furious by his comebacks yet did nothing to change the questions. Neal guessed for her, the conversation was almost fruitless; she only managed to know that Neal had a lot of secrets and unrevealed feelings that were tucked away and buried. Neal, on the other hand, deduced a lot from the 45-minute conversation; Dr Claire was smart, yet she wasn't willing to show it. She didn't want to be there, and had no sympathy for him (he was thankful for this fact). Neal tried to flirt with her once, but she wasn't interested by the least, so he stopped; he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable no matter how much he wanted to annoy her, not that way at least. He was collecting information throughout the meeting to use it in preparing for the next one -if there was a next one, anyways.

"Well, that's it for today," Dr Claire said as she sat up, "and I hope we'd make more progress tomorrow!" And with that, she left.

A while later, a nurse came in, and checked Neal again. She told him he was totally fine and ready to be released from the infarmary. She prepped him for leaving, and called for the guard to accompany Neal to his cell, and we'll, he he wasn't surprised when he found that the guard was James.

 _'Ugh, not James, please!'_ Neal thought. He was the last person he wanted to see; he saw sympathy in his eyes, and he didn't like when people pity him. It made him feel vulnerable, weak and exposed. James saw him when he was shattered -broken and exposed, and it embarrassed Neal to no end. He didn't want to face James- to see the sympathetic look in his eyes.

The nurse prepped Neal to leave; then, he was led by James to the cell where he'd be spending the next two days. James was silent during the escort, yet his eyes held the same sympathetic look. Neal didn't understand why the man would be sorry or sympathetic towards someone like him; he was an outlaw, a _'terrible person'_ in the people's eyes, a danger that should be eliminated from the society, wasn't that the reason he was there after all? Neal knew that this wasn't who he really is, but no one else did.

 _'Maybe, she did, didn't she? She knew who I really was even more than I did.'_ He thought wistfully. He tried to push this thought to the back of his mind hastily. He couldn't risk thinking about Grace when anyone was watching; he might slip into a flashback and zone out, and he couldn't risk that, not where he was ,anyways.

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Neal's POV *first person*

I was back in the cell, alone, left to drown in my memories -to deal with my past. I was left to the loneliness to swallow me and tear my mind apart. The memories came crashing like waves, soaking me with guilt and sorrow. Kate's hateful eyes stared at me whenever I closed my eyes, and the picture of Grace lying in the alley covered in blood was engraved in my mind. Curse this foolish nightmare, curse it!

Do I deserve all this? Yes, yes sadly, I do. I've done so many terrible things in my life; I ruined the lives of all those who decided to be part of mine- Grace, Kate, Mozzie, Peter, Barbara and Stewart. No, no, no, no, I'm a terrible person. I understand why some people see me as an awful person who doesn't deserve happiness because one way or another, I was. I abondoned Grace, Barbara and Stewart; I caused Peter troubles with his superiors, and he might lose his job. I drained a lot of Mozzie's resources, and I am the reason Kate got blown into pieces.

And here they come to swallow me, to bury me in all the negative feelings, here come the flashbacks.

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The memory was so vivid that it hurt. It was about four months after getting the fake IDs. After a lot of convincing, Grace agreed to go to college. I knew that her dream was to major in art; she was an amazing artist. She was even better than me when it came to sculpting, so she was doing really well. She also decided to go for a double major, and went for majoring in French. I, weirdly enough, decided to join college as well. Richard was understanding enough to actually allow me to finish my classes before going to work. So, I went for a major in art, too. I mean come on, what else would I major in? We were staying in a studio apartment of reasonable rent. Sometimes, I'd take my work there to stay with Grace, and it was one of those days.

I was working on a forgery when I heard G enter.

"Hey G!" I greeted without looking up, but when I was met with silence, I averted my attention from the painting and looked up only to be met by a sight that tore my heart into pieces.

G was crying; her eyes were red and puffy, her face red and tear-streaked. She looked miserable.

"Oh God! G, what's going on? Did somebody hurt you?" I rushed to her. "Hey, hey, calm down, G! Please! I'm here for you, G; there's nothing worth your tears." I said soothingly engulfing her in a hug.

We stood like that for some time. She cried as I tried to soothe her. I knew something was wrong, and worry was eating me; Grace wasn't just my responsibility; she was my best friend and I loved her deeply, and to be honest, at that point, I had more feelings towards her, so understandably, this was really disturbing for me.

"Oh Neal," she said after calming down a bit, "I'm sorry!"

Her words startled me; why would she be sorry? But I was sensible enough not to ask her in this state.

"I can't Neal; I can't!" She started crying again.

I could understand what was bothering her, and this worried me even more. What was going on? Why was she crying? I had no idea, but I had one thing in mind; I'd help her through anything, and whoever was responsible for G's sorrow would pay. I promised himself that I'd always protect her, and I intended to keep my promise.

"Hey G," I said quietly "why don't we sit down? We can then talk about whatever is bothering you."

I felt like I was handling a child although Grace was actually more mature than I was, but after all, we were both about 19, so we had our breakdowns.

I guided her to the couch and sat next to her pulling her in a half-hug. I waited for her to talk, to tell me about whatever was bothering her.

"Neal" she looked at me with those teary blue eyes ,and it felt like daggers were stabbing my heart. "I can't do what you asked me; I'm sorry, I really am, but I can't do it." Her voice was really low, but I was close enough to her, so I was able to hear her.

I wasn't surprised; I knew when I offered Grace to work with me instead of working at the pub that she'd probably decline when she'd taken enough time to think about it. Her conscience won't allow her to have peace with herself if she joined their field. And yes, she still worked beside the Uni to help me with the money.

"Oh, so you're really shedding those precious tears for this silly reason, G? I told you it's **your** choice, and no matter what you decide; I won't be upset about your choice. G, from day one we decided that we'd both look after each other, and that's all what matters, so what hurts me isn't your choice, absolutely not. What hurts me is that your crying which means that I failed in looking after you, so can you please cheer up G, please?" I was smiling, a smile that G described later as warm and caring.

Grace was looking at me the entire time. When I finished she managed to smile a half smile. She then punched me in the arm, mumbled about how big of a dork I was, then buried her face in my shirt. I took this as my cue to embrace her in a hug, and we stayed like this for a while.

"So what do you think? Should we always look after each others?" She looked up from my shirt.

"As long as we're still breathing, G. As long as we're still breathing."


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N:**_ _ **First of all, I want to thank the amazing beta-reader KatnissEverWeasley for the amazing work done with this chapter. Really the chapter would've been terrible if not for her.**_

 _ **I'm gonna change some stuff in the first few chapters, so if you actually read the story, I'll add some stuff, so maybe check them out!**_

 _ **Enjoy reading, and believe me, feedback helps!**_

...…...….

 _"So what do you think? Should we always look after each others?" She looked up from my shirt._

 _"As long as we're still breathing, G. As long as we're still breathing."_

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Neal's POV Third Person

Remembering, it's what kept him going in the past. Remembering Grace's loving eyes, Kate's soft smile and Barbara and Stewart's giggles helped him go through his darkest days, but now, he only remembered hurt. Even his memories had turned against him, and he couldn't do anything about that; he couldn't stop the memories nor could he stop the feelings they brought him, but honestly, he felt that he deserved all the sorrow his memories brought him. It was his punishment for Kate's death; the price he had to pay because he was the reason why she died.

He remembered; he remembered how he convinced Grace to help him with his forgeries, how he did everything he could to please Richard and how working with Richard changed him. He remembered everything. Every suppressed memory, every painful bit of his past. He remembered those moments that changed him and those which crushed him, and it hurt!

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Neal's first person POV "flashback"

Richard's demands were growing day by day leaving me with too much work. It was hard to manage between my college work and my work with Richard; it drained me and changed me. I grew to love what I was doing; the feeling I got every time I was creating a masterpiece, and the thrill that every con brought was overwhelming. It was the first step in the path of becoming the infamous Neal Caffrey, the world-class conman.

Grace sensed that change, and to be honest, I too felt that I was different than before, yet I mistook it for maturity. She tried to protect me from myself. She told me I was going down the wrong path, becoming a criminal; she warned me that one day I might like what I was doing, and that one day I'd be doing it because I was enjoying it. I always brushed her off, taking her advice lightly; I'd even get angry sometimes accusing her of being paranoid, of not understanding me. I'd tell her that it hurt, that I thought that she of all people should never mistaken me for somebody I was not; little did I know that one day what she warned me about would come true, and instead of listening to her, I tried to drag her down the same path.

It took a lot of convincing, but one day, I finally managed to convince Grace to help me with the work I was doing for Richard. We started small; I'd ask her to help me with some forgeries on her spare time. I'd ask her to help me in her spare time with some miniscule forgaries such as stamps- they were essential for completing the documents we forged. I taught her all what I know about forging, and although it was so hard on her conscience, she was of great help to me. We made a great team, and my productivity increased. That's why I thought of a way to use that for our good, so I decided to introduce her to Richard.

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It wasn't an easy task convincing Grace to meet Richard, "the mob boss" as she called him. She was still feeling off about the whole "working with Richard" idea, but she understood how much we needed that extra money. We were two teenagers who happened to be college students who needed to fend for themselves, and the money she earned from working at the pub on the weekends wasn't helping much to improve our financial situation.

We had to seem fine, not too different from other students. Though many did notice my constant absences and the disarrayed look of both of us at points. I was determined not to draw more attention then we needed to. In the end, I was an escapee from WitSec, and Grace knew about my real identity, so we were trying to blend in, to lay low so that no-one could pick us out of a crowd that's why we needed to seem financially okay.

That's why Grace tried her best to convince Richard to give her a share after every successful operation she helped in, something which he after some convincing and coaxing agreed to grant her. Her share was not that big, but it was more than the money she made at the pub which actually helped with our financial status. And this is why I'd take Grace with me to the safehouse, Richard's crew's base , twice a week, to report her work to Mr Smith, Richard's right hand guy.

Those visits were torture to me; Mr Smith wasn't the best guy to introduce a girl to. He wasn't attractive at all, actually he was quite the opposite. Yet, he'd flirt with Grace every time he saw her; he'd try to touch her with his fat hairy hands, grin at her with his yellow crooked teeth, and whisper explicitly in her ears washing her in his alcohol-smelling breath. Of course, Grace always brushed him off politely, but the fact that I would just stand there helpless while he tried to hit on the girl I care about, the one I feel responsible for, would make blood boil in my veins. It was maddening, and I couldn't do anything about it; the guy was really huge, and I was a scrawny teenager who eats just enough to be full. It was just then that I realized that I 'loved' Grace!

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Neal's POV (third person)

Remembering was a curse. He didn't want to remember. He didn't want to relive the agony of realising how many lives he's ruined. It was so hard to live with that burden anymore, but well, he wasn't ready to give up living. Not that hed risk a suicide attempt; it just wasnt in his nature. It was a miracle he wasn't already put under a Suicide Watch program, and he didn't want to push his luck.

He tried to meditate, to keep his mind off the past, to think of the future instead, to bury his demons deep down hoping that they'd never resurface, but he was never lucky enough to have things his way. His mind was going to explode; he was drowning in self-loathing and regret. Once again, he managed to blow away his chance in a "normal" life. He was stranded alone in a boat in the middle of the raging ocean, and after trying to gain control and failing for so many times, he gave up to the current.

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A year has passed, and Neal and Grace had gained a lot. They made so much money working for Richard- gained a lot of experience. They were now part of the team, but truth be told, they weren't happy. However, they felt like caged animals forced to work for a guy who never seems to have enough. It wasn't about money because, well, they gained a lot of that; it was about their free will. They knew Richard would threaten to ruin them the moment they decided they've had enough, and that aroused the rebellious teenagers inside of them.

They wanted out more than anything, especially Grace who didn't want to be a part of that "gang" to begin with. So, they started plotting for an escape, and for the first time for them, things went better than planned, and mid-way through their plans, they met Simon- the world class conman.


End file.
